Whirlwind of a Week

Week:22

Weight gain: +13 lbs total

This was a whirlwind of a week. It started out in D.C. for my research trip and while getting ready to board a morning train headed there, my sister got the terrible news from my mother that our uncle had passed away unexpectedly. He was only 57 years old and the picture of health. To make matters worse, both his daughter and daughter-in-law had just given birth within 2 weeks of each other, the latter being two days before he passed. Can you imagine how difficult it is to grieve with two newborns in the family? Life is already topsy-turvy and then you add something so profound to the mix…and it’s just such stress. Despite it all, my cousins and aunt are managing beautifully and delivered beautiful eulogies at the funeral. Their strength and grace are really amazing and inspiring. We really got a chance to celebrate and remember my uncle’s life and everyone was able to somewhat come to terms with his passing. My dad while speaking at the wake, broke down several times. It’s tough watching your parents go through such emotion and to express it in front of you. It reminds you all over again that parents are human.  Although it still hurts and it’s not fair, I realized this week how important faith is in the grief process. It gives your grief a purpose and provides you shoulder to lean on.

My sister and I decided to finish out our weekend in DC by my parent’s advisement. If we headed to NY there were no arrangements made yet and there would be nothing for us to do except sit and feel helpless.  The family was overwhelmed with visitors naturally and we wanted to give them some space to grieve. In a way, it was good to compartmentalize and hold off the grief for the appropriate few days of the wake/funeral. In DC, we were able to see friends and tour some great spots in DC, both cultural and gastronomical. The only downside to all that was that the constant walking, standing, etc. made my feet swollen. Edema (pregnancy swelling) was in full effect.

I had to remember to take a lot more breaks and sit down when I needed to while we were out and about. Since we had long days, the feet swelling were to be expected. I also realized I wasnt’ drinking as much as fluids as I usually do. My belly feels like it’s doubled in size and despite the religious application of cocoa butter, the stretch marks are in full effect. I’m prone to stretch marks anyway, so I’ m not really surprised.  The first outside kick was felt by me the other day and I was able to share the experience with Saji:) Amazing is too insignificant of a word to describe the whole experience! It’s comforting to feel the baby’s kicks during this stage of the pregnancy, because I’m more reassured that he’s doing okay.

My heartburn is worse than ever! Sometimes while eating it’ll be so severe I’ll just have to take a break and drink some water and try to get through it. Tums can only help so much! If it continues to persist, I’ll ask my Dr if there’s anything stronger I can take. I notice I’m very sensitive to super-salty foods and my sweet tooth has been emerging stronger and stronger in recent days. On Sunday, my sister stopped by Bruce’s Bakery in Great Neck and we were able to get a pound of assorted bakery cookies. *SWOON* Oh man, I ate too many cookies for my own good, but it just really hit the spot.

Baby AM loves when I drink sweet juices of any kind now. I feel like my salty cravings have now turned into an aversion and now it’s sweet things that I want. I still am very careful about indulging though because both my parents are diabetic and Saji’s family also has a strong history of diabetes on his mom’s side. I go for a glucose screening in two weeks and I really dont’ want to have gestational diabetes. My doctor told me diet/exercise really helps a lot.

Prenatal Yoga has been my best friend in the mornings. I usually do a forty-five minute session in the morning after breakfast and before I begin my work day. The stretching and meditation really help with back aches and with just being generally relaxed all around.

People have been touching the belly a lot more often and surprisingly, I”m not annoyed at all by this. I think pregnancy has improved upon my spatial relation issues. I’ve noticed that a lot of Indian Uncles will be more apt to rub the belly, which is a surprising observation. I think babies bring out the softer side in Indian men:) My dad and mom are thoroughly excited to see the belly and are anticipating the baby’s arrival.

This week, I’ve made calls to register for hospital tours, maternity education classes which include childbirth, newborn/infant care, and breastfeeding. Saji will be going to everything with me except breastfeeding. I was thinking the other day about feedings and getting on a schedule and even knowing what to do and I got very overwhelmed! I have to remember to take things one step at a time. I’m just one of those people who needs to read up on every single thing and know every single thing. I hate being unprepared.

I had another doctor’s appointment yesterday and met with one of the doctor’s I hadn’t met with before. He was a bit more abrupt and quicker than the other doctors I’ve met with in the group. He’s older and the head of the group so he has a more clinical manner rather than a nurturing one I’ve noticed.  He did note that everything looked great, the baby’s heartbeat was nice and strong, and that I needed to do a follow up appointment for the Level II ultrasound since I went too early for the first one. So next week I’ll be scheduled to do another ultrasound and the glucose screening.

We’ve already started receiving baby gifts off our registry, which was surprising since I didn’t tell a lot of people that I’ve finished my registry or when my shower was really. Baby AM is definitely feeling the love from friends and family!

Now on to my next challenge: finding a baby shower outfit. I was leaning towards a dress but the shower is being held at my parent’s houes and I dont’ know if I want to be really dressed up. A dressy top and black pants might suffice and be more comfortable. I did order a dress from  A Pea in the Pod which fit just fine a week ago, but I had a hunch with the recent boobs/belly growth it might be a bit snug and I was right! It was wayy too tight in the boobs. Since the dress was expensive, I will be returning it asap and getting a refund. I think I will definitely invest in a dress that has some stretch for growth and an empire waist. It’s so annoying shopping while your’e pregnant sometimes. Totally different problem areas and I get so tired trying things on!  But that’s the least of my worries!

While I was away in DC, Saji took the opportunity to move around our furniture in the bedroom so it’s easier to accomodate a bassinet and also easier for me to walk around in. The old way we had our furniture set up we had a lot of space in the room but the space for walking around the furniture was narrow. Now there’s less open space but the furniture is really spread out and I won’t bump into anything. He also had the carpets cleaned and removed all the furniture in the third bedroom, which will be the baby’s nursery. Now it’s just a blank canvas waiting to be decorated with baby furniture and decor. Quite exciting!

This week I’m so thankful for the great friends and family I have in my life. In times of birth and death, you’re reminded how important it is to have a strong support system and how it takes a community to help you through things. I’m very thankful for the stellar people I have in my life and I”m reminded how blessed I am to be having a healthy pregnancy, to have my family be healthy and safe, to be able to cope with a new baby financially and emotionally, to have such a loving and patient, (albeit tired) husband who really picks up the slack with household things since I’ve been pregnant, and some super friends who really make sure I’m doing well. It’s touching to see how many people are excited for Baby AM’s debut into the world:)

 

busy but managing!

Week: 21

Weight: 1/2 lb.

I’m currently so exhausted and trying to muster enough energy to get off my couch. I had a fairly busy weekend. Friday, I headed up to NYC to visit my sister for the day and decided to tag along with my husband to a happy hour in the evening even though I knew I’d be sipping water and wishing it was a martini all night. Surprisingly, I had no cravings for liquor really, sometimes I miss the social aspects of drinking and I’ll miss a pretty glass with a swirly orange rind or a really crisp Chardonnay, but for the most part, alcohol is one of the things  I miss the least right now. 

I didn’t end up going to bed until about 1 p.m. that night, and it wasn’t really the staying up late part that made me tired, it was the fact that while I sipped on water or Sprite the entire night, I still felt dehydrated. Also, I had a restless night on Thursday, I think I got a handful of hours of sleep before waking up at 7 a.m. to drive to NYC.

Saturday morning, my sister and I took a cooking class at Tabla with their executive chef, Floyd Cardoz.  The class began at 10 a.m. and ended at about 12:45 p.m. with a shared family-style meal afterwards with all the dishes that the chef made. It was a really enjoyable experience and Tabla did an awesome job with the set-up and layout of the class. I learned a lot in terms of cooking techniques and enjoyed the anecdotes and stories the chef had about his life and cooking. Cooking is such a passionate, personalized thing for me, it’s all about putting yourself into the food. I’ve barely been cooking since I’ve been pregnant due to the lack of stamina to stand and do anything elaborate, plus  pregnancy brain makes me confused in the kitchen. I still try to  keep up with food blogs and cooking magazines as much as I can.

The lunch served at the end  of the class was really nice and communal. My sister and I sat near another set of sisters. One of the sisters had gifted the other with the cooking class, just as I had mine, so it was really nice bonding and sharing about food and sisterhood with those ladies. I love how food an bring people together and give you such commonalities. One of the ladies spoke about how some of the dishes reminded her of a lot of the homey dishes her mom cooked when she was younger. They asked my sister and I a lot of questions about where we were from in India and about typical Keralan cuisine. The meal was varied and so interesting. The great thing was that Chef Cardoz taught family-style Indian dishes that are homier and categorizes more as everyday, comfort foods that are usually not seen on the restaurant menu. We had items like banana leaf-wrapped cod, pumpkin masala (which was something my mother has made with green plaintains), lamb and lentil kebabs, poha pilaf, and braised lamb shanks. The regional dishes were from all over India. That was probably the best part–being able to eat a native Sindhi dish or a Keralan one.  The dessert was vermicelli kheer, or paysam:) The chef did a more modern take on it by adding pistachios rather than cashews and breaking up the vermicelli more than usual. While I still like my mom’s better, it was nice having a different take on it. The pastry chef also sent out this carmelized ginger chocolate coulis that was a-maz-ing! All in all, we had about 9 courses! We also got the latest cocktails coffee table book from the Danny Meyer empire. It includes all the signature cocktails and bar food recipes from all of his restaurants–including Tabla.

Immediately after the class, I had to leave for Princeton for a wedding I had that evening. My sister was headed to the Yankees-Sox game, so we were rushing out of there close to 2 p.m. I had planned to take a short nap in the afternoon to avoid exhaustion but traffic was a little heavier than planned and we got there a little after 3. By the time we settled in and stuff, it was really wise to start getting ready, especially because I need so many ‘rest’ breaks whenever I get ready for something now. I decided to get a decaf latte from the Starbuck’s in the lobby and fuel up for the evening.

We had some friends of ours come to the hotel room before heading to the cocktail hour and we found ourselves scrambling to be ready by the time they came.  I managed to squeeze into a sari, something that I can’t see still being possible in another week or two, and slipped on some medium sized heels for the evening. The lines for cocktail hour food were really long and luckily my husband volunteered to stand in line for me. I was able to eat a little something and managed not to feel too left out as everyone was throwing back the drinks. The reception was really beautiful and the bride looked fabulous. Saji and I lucked out by being seated at an awesome table right on the dance floor and I was able to see a lot of my friends. There was a lot of rubbing of the belly and talk of pregnancy. This week the bump is definitely out in full force.

I’m completely in maternity jeans/pants now and there is no denying that I’m in my fifth month of pregnancy. I’m continuing to feel the strain of being on my feet for a few hours at a time and getting comfortable during bedtime is a challenge. All the extra weight and belly have definitely taken its toll on me. Surprisingly, I”m managing these symptoms and not feeling so despondent. I think knowing the drill and hearing all my girlfriends’ experiences’ has definitely helped me prepare and then some.

Today I find myself completely exhausted after the nonstop weekend with no napping! After getting home from the hotel in the early afternoon, I had some lunch and then napped on the couch for 2-3 hours. Saji, knowing I was finding my sweet tooth slowly again, made me some brownies as a surprise! I had two pieces after I woke up with a glass of ice-cold iced tea and boy, did it hit the spot! We have a family dinner to go to at his parent’s house in a half hour and I already know I’ll be ready to conk out after eating a traditional Malayalee dinner. I hope to sink into a deep sleep tonite, I really need the rest in order to prepare for the busy, upcoming week. I have a few deadlines to meet with my editing work and I need to go over some last minute stuff for my trip to D.C. this weekend for my research admin. meeting.

Next weekend is sure to be another jam-packed, fun-filled time and while the side effect to all of this is exhaustion, it’s nice to keep busy and not feel limited about doing things and seeing things while I’m pregnant. Baby AM has been kicking up a storm at times. It’s funny because when I’m around loud music (like at the reception) he’s seriously rocking out. It is really true what they say about you bonding with your baby while he’s growing inside of you, and how the kicks and other movements, really do make the pregnancy more ‘real’. I feel lucky to have this time with Baby AM where it’s just me and him. Saji is super anxious to feel an outside kick and I know he’s hoping it’ll be sometime this week or next. I’ve been told it happens usually at 24 weeks, but my doctors seem to think it will happen earlier if I’m so attune to all of Baby AM’s movements. We’ll see!

Here’s to a good week!

 

a A Little Scare…

Week: 20

Weight gain: 0

I’m doing two posts in one week because I didn’t want to wait till next week and forget to include details about my first big pregnancy scare. Before I go any further, let me just say that all is well and there is no need to worry. I don’t want to keep you in anxious suspense till the very end!

I started having this tightening pain around my lower abdomen last night. It would last for about 30 seconds to a minute and then it would disappear. The only thing I can compare this to is a gripping gas pain, but I was quite sure it wasn’t gas. It was also different from the usual round ligament pain I experience from time to time. I tried telling myself that it was probably my uterus stretching and expanding and a related type of round ligament pain. But I seriously doubted this as time wore on. Then I started having a discharge (sorry if this is tmi!) and it was a super dark color and grew consistently thicker throughout the night and into the day.

The worst thing you can do when you have odd pregnancy symptoms is to google, because although you may find some reassuring, relatable answers, you will also surely find some worst-case scenario type answers that are beyond scary. Of course I read things with frightening  terms like miscarriage and ’no fetal heartbeat’. I tried not to panic and I tried to trust my own gut instincts about the pain being growth related and the discharge being old blood that’s just passing out of my system. I’ve had on and off spotting since the beginning of my pregnancy, so I’m not super panicked whenever I see a little blood. While bleeding is very common in pregnancy, it’s not considered “normal”, so you always have to keep an eye on it. Bleeding + pain/cramps =legitimate reason to be worried.

To add on to all this fun, I had a super stressful conversation today that got me a little worked up. Probably not the smartest idea! I wish I was one of those people who when things start to go tense and go south of the border situation-wise, I could end the conversation. Instead, I get super passionate and worked up and I need to see the ugliness through till the end. Sooo frustrating!

I decided to call my doctor’s office around late afternoon. The nurse took down my information and was actually very nice by trying to put me at ease. I figured from her tone of voice and joking around manner that this was just a common ailment, and that she’d just have to double check with the doctor so as not to err on the side of caution. At that moment I felt silly for even calling. I’m definitely not one of those pregnant women that calls at every slight symptom.

By 4 p.m. I thought the doctor’s office wouldnt ‘even call me back and that it was really nothing. Plus, Baby AM had been playing trampoline with my bladder all day long, so I felt completely reassured by his movements and constant activity.

Then I got the call back from the dr’s office from a different nurse. He sounded super serious and told me I needed to get to the Trevose office asap because the office closest to me was closing for the evening. I scrambled to get the address and to get dressed. I hurriedly told Saji, who was still at work, that I was going to head over to the office. He told me he would leave right away and take me, but coming from NYC I knew I’d be waiting around for 1.5+ hours, so I told him I’d just go ahead by myself and that he shouldn’t worry. I’m not super familiar with the Philadelphia area yet and driving for me is TOTAL reliance on my navigation system. Trevose was about 20 mins away and it was beginning rush hour  traffic as I left my house. I knew I’d have to navigate the dreaded Roosevelt Blvd traffic. It’s too bad I didn’t know any back ways and that I had to take the main route to the doctor’s office. As I reached midway, the ‘low battery’ sign came up on my navigation. I stated to panic. What if it shut off before I got there?! The tightening I was feeling in my abdomen became sharper! I was in total freak out mode and stuck in traffic. I somehow texted Saji for some directions at some red lights, and was able to bring up directions on my blackberry in case the navi shut off. The ‘low battery’ sign came up THREE more times before I reached the office, and I was so sure that it would shut completely off before I got there, but somehow, through the grace of God and the sheer balance of the universe, it didn’t. I got to the office with time to spare and was immediately seen.

I was seen by an NP (Nurse Practitioner) within minutes once I entered the office. A lot of women I know dont’ really trust seeing an NP and only want to see a doctor, but I’m actually quite the opposite. In my experience, nurses usually spend more time to you and tend to listen to what you have to say before clinically diagnosing a symptom. Doctors can sometimes be too dismissive and rely on textbook experience rather than the individual patient experience. Plus a nurse always consults with a doctor so it’s two people’s opinons and expertise. Now I’m not knocking OBGYNs at all, my doctors group is totally awesome and every single doctor I have seen has been a pleasure and REALLY listened to me.

I personally knew this NP from a few previous appointments and she was so warm and chit-chatted with me about the pregnancy in general for a few minutes before we got into my symptoms. She gave me a pelvic exam, and for all those ladies out there who have had one, you know it’s not a pleasant experience, and it’s probably ten times worse when you’re pregnant just because you’re extra sensitive down there. I got through it and she reassured me that what I was seeing was indeed old blood. She also pulled out the Doppler and we immediately located Baby AM’s heartbeat which was nice and strong. There was a lot of movement noise and she told me Baby AM was super active and that I would feel kicks on the outside in about a week or so, based on how strong and frequent the kicks she had just heard. It’s always reassuring hearing the heartbeat and movement of your child. I felt a thousand times better for coming into the office despite the hassles.

She told me to keep an eye on the tightening, and that it could be Braxton-Hicks contractions that people mistake for labor. If I had pains consistently and more than 5 tightening pains in one hour, I had to definitely call my doctor, as it could be pre-term labor. My pains so far were intermittent and sporadic. I dont ‘think I had more than one or two an hour really. It’s common for women to get Braxton-Hicks from week 28 on.  I was also told to make sure I was well-hydrated.

I was definitely happy that my fears were put to rest with the doctor’s visit and although a small part of me felt silly and felt like I was being a bother or a nuisance, I’m glad I called the doctor’s office and got everything checked out. I think a lot of times, we as women can be dismissive of what we feel. We often worry first about being a bother to others and use that as an excuse for not asking for help. I have to remember that it’s not just about me and my health anymore, but that I have this new life that I’m carrying and responsible for,  and I need to exercise due diligence with everything I’m feeling concerning Baby AM. I’ll continue to trust my instincts and I won’t hesitate to ask for help while pushing my guilt aside for being a bother if I’m feeling something out of the ordinary.

I hope the rest of the week is uneventful and boring after this little mid-week scare!

 

everything’s coming up roses

Week: 20

Weight gain: +1

This week I’ve finally comes to terms with this pregnancy and I can say I’m officially in love with the process. Of course it took some getting used to, but somewhere between last week and this week, I fell out of my hormonal funk and fell head first into that annoying, impending bliss of mommyhood. Somehow this week it hit me, “Holy cow! Baby AM will be here in FOUR months!” I feel like somewhere between week 12 and week 20, time just flew by! I cannot believe I’m at the halfway point. I decided to recap this week bullet-style. Here are the reasons why I’m happy being pregnant:

1. I’ve been feeling Baby AM on the regular! While the fact that he sometimes stomps on my bladder a little too hard is irritating, I still am thrilled at the fact that there is something very real and alive inside of me. And while the whole thing still grosses me out sometimes to imagine, it is nonetheless, awe-inspiring!

2. The last residual traces of nausea have disappeared. (knock on wood that it keeps up!) I’m able to enjoy food again and not feel like my taste buds have taken a vacation.

3. My energy and mood have lifted tremendously. I no longer have to ‘try’ to be upbeat, I just am.  

4. I have a drawer full of clothes that FINALLY fit me perfectly. No more snug clothing or making do with larger sized clothing that didn’t really accomodate my growing belly. I’m so glad I invested in some maternity clothes that I like and that did not break the bank.

5. My skin has finally cleared up:)

6. I have an upcoming month of very exciting things!

7. I got to spend some time lately with some other moms-to-be, and sharing our experiences has been wonderful.

8. This week it really hit home that I am *SO* lucky to be having a healthy  pregnancy. I really do not take this fact for granted. I’m so aware of all the things that can go wrong and how fragile life can be. It is really the grace of God that is carrying me through all this and I’m not forgetting that or doubting that for one minute.

9. I finished my baby registries today and it felt really satisfying to be able to pick things for BABY AM’s nursery. It also felt great to be able to educate myself on the many different products out there. It helped the process become a LOT less overwhelming.

10. Saji and I have been making it a point to spend *quality* time together. That means a lot more dinners out where we’ve been talking about both non-baby & baby-related things. We’ve really been enjoying our time together and remember to savor it because in a few months it’ll be hard to connect like this. It almost feels like we’re dating again:)

11. I have now officially reached that place where I’m not sitting around and thinking about round ligament pain or how big I’m getting, but rather how it will feel to cuddle Baby AM in my arms and other lovely things like that wonderful new baby smell and how beautiful it will be to rock him to sleep.

12. Baby AM kicks/flutters up a storm whenever I play music. The fact that he’s a music lover already is the first thing him and I will share in common:) Let’s hope he’s  an avid reader too!

13. I’m very proud of my baby bump. I never thought I’d be so comfortable having one or accepting the waddling and posture changes that came with it, but I definitely have. I can’t believe I’m actually ‘comfortable’ being pregnant.

14. I’ve been ahead of the game with hospital registration papers, baby registry, scheduling parenting/birthing/L&D classes, and just in general, nesting and planning for Baby AM. The fact that I’m NOT procrastinating or looking at the whole thing like a big chore is a really great sign.

15. I actually have been able to watch a few birthing videos without a) gagging or b) screaming like a banshee out of sheer fear. At the beginning of this pregnancy, I couldn’t really even hear other people’s birthing stories. It scared me to think about Labor & Delivery, so I just straight put it out of my mind figuring that at month 9 I could have a classic anxiety attack. Breastfeeding also sounded very, very scary to me, as well as imagining the first few days at home with the baby after bringing him home. How would I know what to do?! Would reading books be enough? Would my motherly instincts be enough? This week I was able to really watch some dvds and read some instructional pamphlets on nursing and I actually felt confident that I could do it. I’ve also adopted the mantra, “Trust your instincts!”

 

we need a resolution

Week:19

Weight gain: 1/2 lb.

More stretching and pulling pains this week and while physically, I feel a certain type of pain, mentally, I feel so much more. This has been an overwhelming, heavy week.  It’s been one of those weeks that you just don’t sign up for, full of confusion and misunderstandings and frustrations.  I think we all go through that  from time to time, when suddenly you have a free moment, and you start thinking about all the things that are not okay in your life right now and they just want to make you go “AHHHHH!”.

There are some ‘familial’ issues at the moment. Just the normal frustrations that one goes through with family members being stubborn or stupid or both, and you wonder why after ALL this time, you cannot just accept and move on and realize, this is how things are, they will not change, you must change, and learn to accept the writing on the wall. And I do this for a while and then it’s like I suffer a sort of temporary amnesia and things bubble and rise to the surface and suddenly, it’s all too much.  You get sucked into this vortex, this ugly space that you knew you should have never opened the door to.

And yes, I suppose it’s weighing more heavily on me now because I know I am carrying life and I should not be negative. I refuse to be negative! I try to think of all the lovely people and things I have in my life currently who constantly bring a smile to my face and a great appreciation to my soul. The people who make my world go round’ with a simple gesture, email, phone call, smile. I try to focus on them and I tell Baby AM, you’re so lucky to be entering the world with such love!

I suppose this is a ramshackle of a post but this is all I can muster to put in this space while suffering a headache and a heartache of sorts.

People are disappointing. Will I ever learn to accept that and get over it? Will I stop being so sensitive and wearing my heart on my sleeve? Will I stop being so vulnerable? Can I just always remember to play the tough, no-nonsense girl? Can I always remind myself that people who hurt others are only capable of doing so because they hurt so much themselves. Yes, these are lessons I intellectually know, but somehow emotionally, I forget each time.

I think when you’re in this position of bearing life within yourself, you sometimes set the bar higher for yourself and others in your life and you that can easily set you up for failure and disappointment. Is it my own fears and insecurities that are reflecting right back in my face? I want Baby AM to be proud of his momma, to find me resilient and strong. Can I not be a perfect mess for this child? Maybe I feel like I’m the one not measuring up. Do other expectant mothers  feel this way? Is this how it starts out? This enormous, overwhelming, gut-wrenching desire to reach for the stars and get upset when you’re only eye level with the ground?

I know this much is true. It takes more than just good intentions to be a good parent. Do I have what it takes?

 

It’s a…

Week:18.5

Weight: +3

We had an anatomical ultrasound scheduled for today,  and we found out that we’re having a boy:) I’ve been so back and forth on whether we were having a girl or boy, so it was nice to finally find out for sure!

I had terrible issues with round ligament pain last night and I hardly slept a wink. Around 3 a.m. I couldn’t take going through the pain by myself so I woke up Saji to whine to him. He was in a deep sleep and very confused and somehow thought I was yelling at him when I wasn’t, so he got a little stank with me. I was super hurt and crying at this point. I know he felt bad about it instantly and he explained he had a headache and was pretty out of it, so he just snapped at me.

This morning when I woke up, he had a cake waiting for me from one of my fave local bakeries. It had pink and blue roses and a big question mark on it to mark the ultrasound appointment. Well, sugar’s always a great mea culpa for me, and he was instantly forgiven. I found my sweet tooth long enough to have a nice big piece with some flowers on it. I think I seriously like buttercream frosting more than cake. It’s a problem.

The ultrasound went well for the most part, but the tech did tell me she didnt’ get the best shots of the baby’s heart because the lil guy was busy doing flips. Also, she would have preferred it if I waited until 20 weeks to come on, because the machine is not that high-tech and therefore, the clarity at this stage was not super in her opinion. She did say everything looked great and measurements were all good, but that she would like it if I could come back at 22 weeks. So we’ll be going back in then to have another ultrasound. The plus is that I’ll have another snapshot to add to my collection of photos:)

This week my belly is defly in full force. There’s no mistaking the preggo belly any longer. It feels like I suddenly popped out overnight into this unwieldy belly! It’s quite amazing. I guess all that round ligament action and stretching and pulling I had last week resulted in this.

We spent Labor Day weekend in Long Island visiting my family. It was nice eating all my favorite homemade Indian foods.  The highlight was having palappam and chicken and potato curry for breakfast two days in a row! Yummy! I was also able to visit some adorable babies and their parents. We had some family visiting from Atlanta over and I was able to see my little cousin Liz.  Her mother was pregnant with her during my wedding in 2006! We also had some family friends stop by in the evening and we all laughed and talked for several hours. It was  a great weekend!

I invested in some real maternity jeans finally from Old Navy. They were  a great fit and a great price. I had gone to A Pea in a Pod while I was home to invest in a basic black maternity dress for school meetings and such. I found one that didn’t break the bank and a cute top as well that was dressier than the usual things I picked up from Old Navy & Gap Maternity. Man oh man, are maternity jeans expensive at that store! I know its’ mainly because they’re designer. But the jeans were 150-200 bucks! I would never invest that much in jeans that I would wear for such a short period of time! Craziness.

Anyway, between Old Navy and Gap, I was able to stock up on some essentials and not break the bank. I had a 20% off coupon that I was able to apply to the whole thing and that was awesome! I also invested in some comfy cushioned flats for my feet. My legs and back are definitely suffering when I’m on my feet for a longer period of time and I decided better support shoes were definitely the way to go.

I found a pair on sale at Nordstrom from the company Privo. They were cute black Mary Janes with cushioned soles and rubber grips underneath. They’d look good with jeans or a dress. I found the same pair on Zappos for a slightly cheaper price and no tax or shipping. The best part was I ordered them yesterday and got them today! I love Zappos!  So I’m pretty set with maternity clothes I think.

Next week I’ll start to think about the huge task of registering for baby stuff. Now that we know the sex, my sister (who’s planning my shower) really wants me to get on it. We’ve decided to do the shower on the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend. We figured most people have the long weekend off and after Thursday, people would be free. I know it’s taking a chance of missing a few people who might be out-of-town due to the holiday, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. I dont’ want to be too huge to travel or be comfortable at my shower. Plus, I need some time to set up that nursery!

It’s all becoming TOO real after today’s ultrasound appointment! I just realized I only have 5 months left. AHHHH!

 

The First Flutter

Week:17

Weight gain: 1 lb.

After last week’s downtrodden post, I had to mentally slap myself to perk the hell up and get in a better mood. I don’t like being a negative person and wallowing in self-pity just because I have a swing in my hormones. That’s not me. I’ve always been a “when life gives you lemons, make (vodka) lemonade” type of gal. Of course now it’s harder without the vodka;)

I finally reached the breaking point with my mood when I caught myself just being completely nasty to my husband over something totally stupid. He was talking to the belly and I got so irritated with the monotone voice he was using and how his goatee hair was scratching my bare skin. I swear I wanted to punch him in the nose. I knew then, that I was turning into one of those women. I had a mental picture of me with rollers in my hair and a ratty housecoat just yelling at my husband and kids. I decided this needed to stop and I needed an attitude adjustment. Every pregnant woman knows the easiest person to take something out on is your mate.

Most of my bad mood was due to a killer sinus headache I had Friday into Saturday afternoon. My head seriously felt like it was going to split into two, and my right eye felt like a hammer was smashing it repeatedly. Lovely imagery, I know. What was frustrating was I coudlnt’ take my usual allergy meds or even anything stronger than Tylenol for the pain. Tylenol,  at this point, is the equivalent of a Flintstone’s vitamin. It doesnt’ alleviate even an ounce of pain for me. I’m a migraine sufferer and I’m used to heavy duty meds, so even Vicodin is a joke to me. My mother says that after weeks and weeks of not taking any meds, my body will  be weaned off of drug resistance, and shall soon be sensitive again to even Tylenol. But I seriously think these are the kind of lies that only a mother will tell her pregnant daughter when she’s  in serious pain.  She has also begun to totally counter her labor and delivery stories by saying that it wasn’t all that bad.  

Once the headache cleared up, I decided I needed to get out and hang with some friends. We had gotten an invite from one of our couple friends to go over to their place, and then later on to attend a casual party at an old college friend’s apt. The girl was moving out of her place the next day and it was completely stripped bare of any furniture. So we sat Indian style on the blue shag carpet and ate pizza and drank. (Well, everyone else drank, while I enjoyed the rare treat of  a Sierra Mist.) It took me back to college days as computer playlists were opened and old school music filled the air. We all just straight laughed and joked and whatnot. It was exactly what I needed. For about 2 hours I totally forgot I was pregnant.  I thought I would pay some serious sciatic overtime for sitting on the floor Indian style, but I was fine! Mind over matter!

One of the first key things I did that night to get in a positive mood was my hair and makeup. It lifted my mood about 50%. A cute outfit + jewelry and accessories helped another 25%.  The rest, I figured, was all up to me.

At about 1 a.m. we left the party and walked a few blocks to Capogiro Gelato in Rittenhouse for some late night treats. Man, did that hit the spot! One thing I have consistently craved throughout the pregnancy is fruit. Capogiro has the best fruit flavored gelato! It seriously transports me back to Italy!  Summer peach, orange cardamom, grapefruit, and cantaloupe. I had a little scoop of these four different flavors. Everyone else got the chocolately sinful flavors. But my sweet tooth is still sorta absent since pregnancy, so I skipped those.   We sat in the gelateria laughing and telling stories until they kicked us out. It was an awesome night of nothing really remarkable, but it was just what I needed.

So, I had a doctor’s appointment today. Saji got to hear Baby AM’s heartbeat for the first time and we’re scheduled for the gender ultrasound on Wed. of next week!! How exciting!!! I was trying my hardest to get an appointment today but the doctor really wanted me to wait till week 18 because there’s a better chance of an accurate reading.

Last night, while I was lying back in bed and thinking, Saji randomly came over to the bed and started talking to the belly. I kinda half zoned out because he does this often and I was deep in thought about a lot of things. Anyway, he was feeling around for the baby, because Saji seems to think if an OBGYN can do it, so can he! So he was prodding around and  afterwards when he went away to go do some ab crunches or something, I felt the tiniest flutter in my stomach. At first,  I totally doubted it and thought maybe it was gas, but surely there it was again..and again…and again. It felt like that feeling your stomach has when you go up and down a hill. That dropping sensation! It was totally amazing.

I asked the doctor today if I could indeed feel movement this early, and she said it’s very possible, but that an actual real “kick” vs. a flutter may take as long as 28 weeks, so to be patient and not get worried if I dont’ feel something right away. I think after I felt the little fluttering last night, it all seemed too real and I’m in that euphoric high I was in the first few weeks when I found out I was pregnant.

And just like that…when you think it’s all routine and you’re growing tired of being so tired and having pimply skin and pulling ligaments, something amazing totally happens that outweighs all those numerous inconveniences you’ve felt the last few months.

What a rollercoaster!

 

Deflated.

Week: 16

Weight gain: 1

So I’m officially 4 months pregnant and at first, instead of a nice small protruding bump, I felt like my stomach was deflating and getting flatter! It may be because my pregnancy bloat had gone out the window. My appetite had decreased last week and I had major food aversions. I was generally still forcing myself to eat at mealtimes or nibble on something all day. My game plan now is to go with whatever cravings I have, even if it’s not necessarily the most healthy. This includes McDonald’s chicken nuggets and ice cream. I find simpler foods or foods that I relate to childhood to be what I’m craving.

I finally succumbed to the pregnancy stereotype of making my husband go get me food at midnight one night this week. But I realized later on that I had skipped dinner and there was really nothing good in my house to eat at midnight that didn’t involve me getting out of bed and making it. I was too tired and so Saji resorted to going to the local McD’s for my nuggets.  As I was eating them, I realized I craved the dipping sauces more than the actual nuggets!

I’m still craving a lot of fruit, especially peaches and strawberries lately. For breakfast especially, when my food aversions are at an all-time high, I end up eating yogurt and lots of fruit. For dinner, Saji tries to make healthy, nutritious meals from scratch like goat cheese stuffed chicken breasts in a sundried tomato sauce with roasted asparagus and mashed potatoes. Somehow the poultry aversion I had in first trimester has come back, and I found myself gagging on the chicken. I felt really bad at turning up my nose on a home cooked meal but such is the case lately.

I had an impromptu visit to the doctor’s office last week. I woke up with some slight spotting and I had trouble emptying my bladder even though I really had to pee. The spotting didn’t worry me so much because it was slight and I’ve had slight spotting since the beginning of my pregnancy, but I had a UTI a few months ago and I was afraid that the peeing symptom combined with the spotting was a sign of it. The doctor’s office wanted me to come in right away and give them a urine sample. Everything turned out to be fine and the doctor thinks the spotting was unrelated. As for the peeing, she said my bladder is taking a pregnancy beating and sometimes a bruised bladder doesn’t function up to par. I heard the famous “keep an eye on it”  line about both symptoms and I was sent home.

The doctor however was not happy with my weight at all. Turns out I lost 3 lbs since my last visit which was 2 weeks ago.  Generally during second trimester you’re supposed to gain a pound a week. First trimester is where you have room to lose weight if you’re suffering from nausea or morning sickness. But second is where the baby is growing and will be sucking all the nutrition from the mother, as a result it’s not the baby that suffers if I dont’ eat, it’s me. You tend to lose hair and have rotting teeth when you lack proper nutrition, because the baby takes all of it. Yikes! Definitely do not want either one of those symptoms. I’ve already experienced the hair loss a bit and it is not fun. The doctor told me if I continue to lose weight, she’d have to see me every week instead of every month. Yikes again! I really think the last appointment I had I was very bloated and had water weight. I’m a lot less bloated now so I think my weight is actually just my normal weight.  

I find dips and highs in my mood level.  At times, my mood is definitely deflated because of this pregnancy. I’ve been having intense round ligament pain and towards the latter part of the week, I found myself frustrated at not being able to alleviate it. I tried rest, changing positions, exercise stretches, heat therapy, etc. and all were a big FAIL! But I guess it’s a great sign that hard work is being done inside of me and my uterus is expanding. I guess I’m feeling growing pains. The bump towards the latter part of the week definitely protruded a bit more but I noticed overall that my entire stomach area is hardening and spreading out in this weird way. It’ll be interesting to see what kind of bump I’ll finally end up having.

Lastly, I went to my first Indian function pregnant last week. I have a few more upcoming functions, so this was a great practice run in Indian clothes and heels. I wore an anarkali suit and while it fit fine, it definitely fit differently, the biggest difference being that my stomach was protruding out a bit. I guess in different outfits I look more pregnant than in others. It’s really refreshing to let your gut hang out in clothing! I never realized how liberating it was before, especially for a girl who gains weight in her stomach region. There’s no more sucking in or masking or spanx action going on. A definite plus to being pregnant!

I tried getting ready early before the event so I wouldnt’ wear myself out and rush, but I totally wanted to take a nap by the middle of it! I had trouble painting my toenails so Saji had to finish them up for me. If that’s not a good husbandry while you’re pregnant, I dont’ know what is.  The reception was a lot of fun but everything ran a little late. I was not playing during cocktail hour when I cut several people and helped myself to two portions of channa masala and samosas.  Deviating from my  usual meal schedule made me ravenous! Besides everyone else was having fun drinking at the open bar, that I had to find my kicks in something. This was a Gujerati affair and the food was vegetarian which meant a lot of yummy veggie curries and treats. I find that vegetarian caterers are yummier, overall. I had a full plate during the dinner buffet and managed to eat most of it, despite the heartburn. I also had 2 cups of delicious masala chai. I know I shouldn’t have had 2 whole cups but caffeine seems to be my vice at times.  I also managed to get on the dance floor for a little bit. But definitely wearing heels and being on my feet for a few hours aggravated my sciatica. It wasn’t so bad though, but I sank into bed that night and fell into a very deep sleep. The next morning I had an impromptu visit from my parents who were visiting our family friend in the area. They came to see my bump, but were disappointed that I wasn’t showing as much yet. I think no one will be satisfied until i have a great big super-sized watermelon of a bump. That should please my sciatica! Yowza!

I spent Sunday night in bed nearly in tears because I was so uncomfortable and because both my round ligament pain and sciatica were acting up. It wasn’t so much that the pain that brought me to tears, but my frustration. Sometimes, I feel like I just want to fast forward this pregnancy to the end part, and then I feel so ungrateful thinking and saying it aloud. I realized it’s the lack of control that’s making me super frustrated and upset. While I’ll be very happy to have a beautiful bundle of joy in 5 more months, I definitely am not loving pregnancy. I feel guilty even writing that because it could all be sooo much worse and I know it. But like I said, this would be the space where I whine and complain and get it all out. Maybe in a few months I’ll feel differently about the whole experience.

To improve my mood, I’ve been trying to plan a lot of fun things with friends here and there, so I can focus on those things, rather than the negatives. My sister agreed to accompany me to D.C. at the end of next month for a research meeting I have. We decided to make a whole weekend out of it and do some fun things.  Philly Restaurant Week is coming up and I’ve scheduled a few lunches and dinners with friends here and there. Hopefully eating out and trying new places will perk up my mood.

I have another wedding this upcoming weekend and I’ll attemp to wear a sari to it, as long as the weather cooperates. I think I will be trying to wear some flat chappals though instead of heels. I am definitely feeling my center of gravity and balance being off and I notice myself standing with my feet further apart so I won’t veer off to the side. Such a strange feeling, but the extra weight and growth in my stomach region has definitely affected my center of balance!

I felt like this week brought on so many pregnancy symptoms and fun that I almost can’t wait to see what month five will bring!

 

Over it?

Week: 15

Weight gain: 1 lb

Things have continued to be OK in second trimester. Nothing major to report. I’m in that in-between phase, where I’m over the first trimester hump but right before I’m beginning to really show and there’s no mistaking I’m pregnant and not just fat.  People talk about how great second trimester is and how it’s generally the best stage of your pregnancy. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have a major case of morning sickness in first trimester, but I dont’ find second trimester to be this great relief of feeling and looking great. If anything, it’s brought along it’s own cons of pregnancy. My skin and hair continue to suffer. My hair is SO dry and flaky. I find myself resorting to using teatree oil once or twice a week and experimenting with different shampoos and conditioners. The layered, shorter haircut helps with body, but my hair is still not behaving like I want it too. My skin is still experiencing adult acne and severe dryness! I’ve been getting recommendations about different products and buying a more heavy duty foundation to create some “flawless” (ha!) skin. The pregnancy glow still remains a mystery to me, since I’ve never experienced it. Maybe third trimester will bring about that glow!

I have periods of nausea still where I just mostly feel quesy and have an aversion to eating. I actually have just been eating bites of food here and there and anything I crave has not tasted satisfying in my mouth to me. Mostly, I feel like someone who’s been sick with a cold or the flu for a very long time and is just sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I know it’s ridiculous to say I’m over this whole thing at fifteen weeks, but I am! I’m ready to fast forward this whole thing into third trimester!

This weekend my sister came to visit. Saji had a wedding in Detroit for one of his close friends and so she came to keep me company. We had a weekend of shopping, lounging and eating planned out. We mostly did everything we wanted, but scheduling the shopping for early on meant that I was super tired for the rest of the weekend. We went outlet shopping and I was on my feet for 3 or 4 hours. I keep forgetting that I need to take breaks and sit down more often now that I’m pregnant, and I’ll just push myself to do something for hours at a time. This resulted in me getting some sciatic nerve pain and that  pretty much put me out of commission for the rest of the day! I think I went to bed at 9 p.m. that night.  The next evening we went to Buddakan for dinner, which was really yummy, and then we watched a movie at home. We pretty much ate out for every meal except for breakfast, because I dont’ have the stamina and energy to really cook. I did try to bake some cookies however, and that was a disaster. Pregnancy brain and baking are not my friends, I’ve come to realize. I tried to make Saji some banana chocolate chip muffins for his road trip to Detroit and I basically forgot to put in yogurt. The muffins were hard and dense. I was also supposed to sprinkle a cinnamon sugar mixture on top of the muffins, but I was heavy handed with the cinnamon. I thought the muffins were really gross and I felt so bad that he took them along!

For my sister I wanted to make some chocolate chip cookies from scratch. I used a recipe I’ve made a thousand times before, but as they were baking, I instantly knew something was wrong. The cookies looked dry and never turned a golden brown. Turns out I forgot to add sugar! My culinary ego has taken a huge hit and I will be staying out of the kitchen for a bit longer when it comes to baking stuff.

Besides that, nothing new and exciting!

 

Summer Happenings

Week: 14

Weight gain: 3 lbs.

This past weekend I went to Newport, Rhode Island with some lovely ladies, and had a lot of fun times. I was worried I would be easily fatigued and worn out, but I felt okay and had more energy than I usually had in weeks past. The second trimester ‘ease’ of pregnancy is truly not a myth! Not that I had it very bad during first trimester, but there would be moments where I felt super fatigued after just walking up a flight of stairs. Or I would have hours of feeling  ‘yucky’ in the evening. That all has pretty much cleared up. I still do occasionally have moments of nausea, but I notice now that I’ll just throw up and be done with it, rather than feeling like I would throw up for hours.

With this week brings a new fun pregnancy symptom: round ligament pain. It’s different from the stretching, pulling feeling I had in earlier weeks. It’s a sharp type of pain that throbs for a moment and then disappears, but happens several times an hour, mostly in the evenings. Most of my symptoms are felt in the evening, maybe because I’m sitting more still?

My stomach is hardening, rounding and protruding, but still doesn’t look like a baby bump quite from the front, which is annoying because you just feel fat and bloated and out of sorts. All of my pre-pregnancy clothes are on their last legs of being worn, meaning they are stretching and straining and I totally feel like in a few weeks I will have to invest in maternity wear. I’ve been told to go to Motherhood and Old Navy for cheap but trendy finds. I definitely do not feel like spending a bundle on clothes that will only be worn for a few months.

I’ve gained 6 more pounds this week alone! I feel like I’ve gained 35 lbs. I cannot imagine gaining anymore. It’s horrifying to think there will be at least 20 more to go! AHHH!  Before this week, I had only gained 3 pounds in the entirety of my first trimester. I think half of this week’s weight gain  is all bloat and water weight because I feel like the Good Year blimp. I really hope the bloat subsides soon! I also hope my complexion returns to normal, but I hear that could be wishful thinking for a while longer. Mostly I just look very tired, I’m told. I’m going to have to check any desire for vanity at the front door of my insecurities for the next couple of months. It’s a small price to pay for a healthy child though, so I suppose it’s an even trade!

I have some weddings/engagements/baptisms coming up in the next few months and I realized I have to scrounge up some tent-sized Indian maternity outfits from somewhere. For next week’s wedding reception, I’m going to manage to try to fit into one of my anarkali outfits that’s roomy. A sari sounds like pure torture right now, so I imagine in a few months time I’d rather be dipped in hot wax and rolled in bedazzled feathers rather than wrap six yards of silk around my body and squeeze into a sari blouse.

I managed to get a much needed haircut at Bumble & Bumble on Friday. Now if I could just muster up the energy to turn on my blowdryer and style my hair…