Hello again!

It’s been a long time. I’ve been meaning to write for months and months and months, (I swear!) But Mommyhood, life and laziness got in the way. (In that order.)

Here I am about 9 months after I wrote that last heavy post and looking back on that time in my pregnancy, I’m filled with nostalgia for the stress and uncertainty I was going through. I’m not going to lie, after the breakneck speed of having to find out that my OBGYN team wanted to induce labor and giving birth to Andrew a few days later, I was really happy to be done with pregnancy at that point, only because I knew my breaking point was around the corner. I felt God really knew this and had me deliver 5 weeks early. Andrew was delivered safe and sound and the flurry of events helped my adrenaline flow and kept things in perspective. I’m not going to lie again, the month of January and most of February were some of the hardest days of my life. It was filled with roadblocks and setbacks but through it all I was in awe of this beautiful baby boy that God had given me and my family.

Andrew has been the biggest and most defining blessing in my life. He’s such a beautiful little boy filled with personality and spunk and charm. I am very very grateful that he is healthy and has a normal life despite his initial diagnosis. He had a 100% repair on his heart and he’s healed well and has hit all of his milestones. We still have some issues and roadblocks ahead possibly, but isn’t that what parenthood is all about? I was thinking the other day how you sign up for a lifetime of uncertainty when you become a parent. Anything and everything scary can be waiting for you around the corner. That can be truly overwhelming. But you just always have to remember to be the best possible version of you for your kids. That really keeps me going and striving and providing a home filled with love and stability for Drew.

While I was going through this entire ordeal I really was tested by my faith and was able to really feel the true depths of God in my life. God only tests those that are strongest and I really questioned God at times as to how strong I was. I doubted this challenge he gave me. I asked God several times why instead of accepting this challenge and asking for His grace. It was mind boggling to me that grace was all that a Christian needs to get through a challenge. In the valley of my own despair, grace was the last thing that came to mind in handling my stress. But grace was indeed all I needed. It truly humbled me and filled me with a love for God that I didn’t even know I possessed fully. I realized the fragility of life in this way that was extraordinary.

This whole experience has strengthened my marriage and all the important relationships in my life. It’s really tested things, all the stresses and fears also made me realize that more than anything I have to learn how to have faith and how to trust in God. Two very scary things for a control freak!

I’ve realized life is sometimes a series of setbacks and unknowns. You picture your life in this certain way, and immediately you set yourself up for disappointment, because your life will never ever be formulaic!

We all have our trials and tribulations. Every single one of us goes through something so profound and in the moments of those throes of agony that we all go through, we realize what we’re made of and what this whole confusing, crazy life is all about.

I’ve thought a lot these past few months about what I want for Andrew in life. It’s a question most parents ponder throughout their child’s life. And aside from career options, educational goals, etc. I want Andrew to be happy and to be a good person. I want him to know that everything in life worth having is worth a struggle and a fight and I want him to know that he was soo incredibly loved and wanted by a whole slew of people here on this Earth. I want him to feel that love every single day.

They say that motherhood can cure a lot of open wounds you have had from childhood/adulthood and I’ve realized that’s really true as well. I’ve realized I’ve become more patient, less petty, more forgiving, more focused and I no longer waste time on negativity. Instead I try to seize those moments allotted to me. I’ve begun to realize that the most precious gift that we all have is time.

I hope to delve into a lot more of what I’ve been experiencing these past few months as a mom and also what life is like for me now. Here’s to blogging regularly again!

 

Hitting a Wall

Week:35.5

Weight: +1

Two posts in one week? Yes, it’s been a goody of  a week and I need to vent! I was already stressed at the beginning of this week because of the sheer number of doctor’s appointments I had to go to every week. I have at least three medical appointments a week from here on out till my due date. I thought that all these appointments were the boundary for my threshold of pain. Apparently, I was about to get really tested to see where my breaking point really is.

Tuesday I had appointments all day at CHOP to meet with their maternity team. It was decided early on by CHOP’s pediatric cardiologist that with the baby’s condition I would deliver at CHOP but continue my prenatal care at Abington since it was closer and since I was more comfortable/familiar with them. I had agreed to this and have had my OBGYN group fax all the updated reports on appointments and gestational diabetes updates to CHOP. I thought this was all going well until I met with the CHOP maternity team. CHOP has a special maternity ward with about 8 deluxe suites that are exclusively for mothers whose babies have special needs. Since we know Andrew has to have a surgery within the first few days of his life, it was decided that it’d be super stressful to transport him to CHOP if I delivered elsewhere. You have to apply to deliver at CHOP and meet their criteria list. Basically since I wasn’t high-risk, it was thought I’d be an ideal candidate. The plan is for me to have a normal, vaginal birth and start Andrew on meds to prepare him for surgery.

The CHOP OBGYN team wanted me to have an ultrasound from their end even though I’ve had several with Abington, one as recently as last week to check on fetal growth since I have gestational diabetes (GD). I’ve had about one ultrasound a month for the last few months as it is. I understand CHOP wanting one of their own though, so I submitted happily to the notion at first.

When I arrived for my day of appointments at CHOP, I was told I had to do my ultrasound at UPenn Med (across the street) since CHOP’s own radiology dept was booked with appointments. I agreed and went across the street to UPenn Hospital to wait for my ultrasound. Now since I’ve had about 5-6 ultrasounds so far at Abington and 2 fetal echos, I’ve gotten quite used to the ultrasound experience.

I was greeted by a young ultrasound tech who informed me that she would be performing the ultrasound, but when I got to the radiology room, I saw that there was an older, more experienced tech guiding my tech with the procedure. Since I was shy of just 35 weeks and they needed thorough pics of anatomy, growth, development etc. they told me it’d be a full hour appointment at the very least. I wasn’t too comfortable with the idea of an inexperienced tech working on me. In my experience, some techs are incredibly aware of how much pressure they’re applying to you and whether or not you’re comfortable throughout the ultrasound, while others are totally unaware and jabbing away at you. I’ve been lucky to only have one or two ‘painful’ experiences and whenever I’ve stated that it hurt, the tech or radiologist has immediately re-positioned their transponder wand.

This time, I was in serious pain the ENTIRE time. The tech was pressing down sooo hard on my pelvic region, stomach, and ribs. I was in tears and yelling “owww” exclusively the whole time. She did apologize but then her and the more experienced tech explained that they just really want to get the most accurate best pictures they could of the heart and all the other organs to make sure the baby is healthy. It was just ridiculous after a certain point. I was ready to stop the whole procedure because I was crying and biting my tongue in pain. I dont’ understand how jabbing a 35-week pregnant woman can possibly be safe?! But I just really wanted to get through the appointment and NOT have to reschedule. I really wanted them to get the best pictures they could, so I decided to just be a trooper.

I knew this was a sloppy appointment also by how much ultrasound goo the tech was getting all over my pants, sweater and sides of my body. After a certain point, I felt like I was covered in wet goo! The tech told me that it was really hard to get spine pictures since the baby was sitting to the side of my uterus, facing forward, head down in my pelvis, and he was NOT moving for anything no matter how many different positions they were trying to get me into, or how much bouncing of my belly they did with the transponder wand.

Finally they had a radiologist come in to try to take a picture of the spine. I explained how I had just had an ultrasound less than a week ago at Abington and they got great pictures of the spine. So if they couldnt’ get such great pictures here at least they could be reassured by Abington’s reports and analysis. They acted like that wasn’t a possibility. I have NO idea why they would continue to let me have care at another OBGYN group if they are going to dismiss reports or not work with their results. It’s baffling to me why I was bothering to do ultrasounds elsewhere when CHOP was just going to disregard them?! Wasn’t it just unnecessary, extra invasive procedures for me?

The radiologist was giving “tips” to the tech about how to get the baby to move and change positions. I know my child at this point. He ain’t moving for anything if he doesnt’ want to. He’s been head down for a week or two now. I can stand on my head and this child is NOT changing positions. I really dont’ care what some ‘experienced’ radiologist thinks she can do to get my baby to move. Of course, despite her cockiness and getting me in all sorts of silly positions, the baby didn’t move one inch. I have never experienced him be sooo still during an ultrasound. I honestly think he was just scared silent from this super crazy experience. When I commented that I was a mess from all the goos, the radiologist rudely informed me that the gel doesnt stain clothing. Um, yeah lady, but I really dont’ want to walk around with wet jeans and shirt for the rest of my appointments all day!

We had inquired about the weight of the baby. Andrew had grown steadily ahead of his expected weekly rates all along since the first ultrasound. We were told by the head radiologist at CHOP, who performed our fetal echo, that his head circumference size and femur/leg measurements were bigger than the average baby’s. The last weight I got at Abington was 4 lbs 8 oz for 33.5 weeks, about 60th percentile for growth. They told me this was a little ahead but not so bad and that my gestational diabetes was not making him overly big, which was a relief!

At this appointment, they were telling me the baby’s weight was only 3 lbs 13 oz., only the 30th percentile for growth and weight. I was utterly confused and immediately got scared that I was having placental issues or gestational diabetic issues if he lost weight like that in one short week. I inquired about the margin of error in the ultrasound. That’s when the radiologist got extremely snotty. She looked at the tech and asked, “Where are these people from?” . The tech stayed silent so I informed her that my husband and I live in Philadelphia. She went on some spiel about how UPenn was the BEST hospital with the BEST equipment, blah, blah, blah. Never mind that ANY ultrasound performed later in pregnancy has a higher margin of error than earlier on in weeks since the baby can be head down (making head circumference difficult to assess), scrunched up (making it hard to measure femur length), and that there’s just generally a lot going on in terms of your fluids and the baby’s fluids. I’ve heard that there’s also a whole pound margin of error in most ultrasound errors. It’s not an exact science, especially later on in pregnancy!

I was also told by my regular OBGYN team that after 25 weeks they don’t even look at weight really anymore unless it’s to assess if weight is being gained and how much from ultrasound to ultrasound, (which is the case with GD). So they dont’ look at the total weight in numbers, they just look at ounces, pounds increased from one period to the other.

I decided to just not talk to the radiologist anymore because I was fuming mad. I had informed her that I wasn’t doubting her assessment or the hospital’s reputation, but that I was just trying to find answers for two varying weights given to me.

I didn’t want to dismiss the Abington ultrasound so quickly because I’ve had a few with them and gotten steady growth numbers. Could 3-4 ultrasounds all have been wrong in a row?? UGHHHH! I decided to text one of my friends who’s an OBGYN and she told me that later on in pregnancy and once the baby’s head is in the pelvis, weight is very hard to assess. Also when I googled fetal weight according to ultrasounds I read something about what a common mistake it is for techs to press down too hard with the transponder on the mother’s belly since that could compromise the baby’s abdomen and give incorrect readings for weight! This tech was squeezing down on me the entire time.

Now on top of everything else I’m worrying about, I’m worried about this child’s birth weight. It was all too stressful. I was beyond the point of angry. I was just silent at this point. I wanted to go home and cry.

On top of all that, once I met with the CHOP OBGYN team after the ultrasound appointment, the CHOP OB disagreed with Abington’s GD management care. Abington wanted to put me on meds for my borderline sugars. CHOP didn’t want that. Finally,   the decision got made (after I voiced my frustrations of working with two different teams with two different methods), that I would switch over my entire OBGYN care for the remainder of this pregnancy to CHOP. The doctor did note the birth weight and told me it’s still a ‘normal’ range, just 30th percentile, about 2 weeks behind. He said my amniotic fluid was matching that measurement it seemed. He said they would do another ultrasound in 3 weeks but didn’t seem too concerned. He said I could just be having a smaller baby, which often times matches newborns with Andrew’s condition. I just don’t know what to think.

My priority since I’ve heard Andrew’s diagnosis was to make sure that nothing else can go wrong with the pregnancy and to get him out healthy and ready for his impending surgery. I feel like lately I’m hit with all these roadblocks: the gestational diabetes diagnosis, the conflicting management advice, the conflicting ultrasound info. One week I’m told not to gain too much weight because the baby could be fat and that would make a harder delivery and compromise his lung function. The next I’m told he’s too little and can possibly not be ready for the surgery he needs as a result. I mean it can make a saint into a sinner!!

I went home feeling completely deflated and just so scared about carrying this child inside of me. It seems like so much responsibility and the weight of all of it was really beginning to take its toll on me mentally and physically. I know that I need to vent and get it out, have a good cry and then just rejuvenate again for tomorrow’s new challenges. It just gets so hard sometimes when your boundaries get tested and re-tested again and again.

I went home that evening and took a long nap missing my prescribed snack and mealtime. Saji was doing some home repairs around the house. He didnt’ want to wake me up since he figured I was tired both physically and exhausted from a long day mentally. I was so sore and aching from the ultrasound experience as well and he knew that. I woke up 5 hours later with low blood sugars and I was so mad at him for letting me sleep that long. Additionally, nothing was really ready for dinner. All the things Saji was suggesting was not ideal food for a diabetic. It was finally decided that he’d go to a nearby diner and pick me up something to eat.

I just started sobbing when he left. The whole day had me so spent and frustrated and I totally lashed out at my husband and made the nap/dinner situation more dramatic than it was. Immediately then my little one gave me a series of kicks in the ribs. It was reassuring and I immediately stopped the waterworks reminding myself that I had to be upbeat and positive for him.

In the grand scheme of things, I do know I am going through something profound and that I don’t need to belittle this time in my life. I don’t need to try to be upbeat and super strong 110% of the time. I am allowed to have a breakdown once in a while and get it all out of my system. I’ll always look back on this time and remember this period of stress and hardship. I know I only have more of it to come in the next coming months. But I’m also re-reminded that I need to continue to lean on God and my faith. That He will NEVER allow me to be tested beyond what I can bear. I’ve been setting the limitations for that testing and I know I shouldn’t.

I know that I have an incredible support system in my family and friends and when I start to fall apart, people will get really concerned and worried. I cannot allow that to happen. I have to to be strong. I know my mom was really worried because I called her and my mother-in-law after the long day and they both were really upset for me for having to go through all this. My mother just wants to come visit and stay and cook and care for me. And my mother-in-law keeps lamenting to me that she wishes she can do more for me rathen just cook an occasional meal, etc. I know both sets of parents feel helpless to a certain point. Just like I don’t want my child to go through any of the struggles he’s about to face, I know our parents feel the same way for me and Saji. I coudn’t even speak to my dad on the phone that evening and I always can talk to him even if it’s just to say “I don’t feel like talking” for a minute. It’s hard as a parent for your child to endure something. I’m beginning to just really experience that. Several times throughout the day I’ll do this silly bargaining with God or play a game with myself where I chose 2 terrible worst-case scenarios and chose one rather than having my child go through this. Things like me having some sort of terminal disease or developing some horrible condition in exchanged for Andrew to be 100% healthy. It’s not productive at all I figure, but i’ts natural as a parent to do this.

It’s always darkest before the dawn and maybe I’m not even near that bleak hour yet. Maybe I’m only at midnight. I still need to get through the rest of this bleak, dark night. I need to make it through for my little one, with both my strength and sanity intact.

I came across this quote this week while watching an episode of The Sopranos this week and it really stuck with me:

 Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while, a great wind carries me across the sky.” – Ojibwe saying.

 

Appointments Ad Nauseum

Week:35

Weight: +1

As my due date looms nearer and nearer, I get to up the ante on all doctors’ appointments. My regular OBGYN appointments have now turned from bi-weekly to weekly. Since the gestational diabetes diagnosis, I get to have ‘extra’ monitoring which comes in the form of twice-weekly nonstress tests (where they hook you up to a belt contraction and monitor the baby’s reactions and movements), tri-weekly fetal growth ultrasounds (to make sure the diabetes is not affecting the baby by making him too fat or have undeveloped organs), and diabetes counseling with nutritionists, fetal endocrinologists and nurses. You’d think my sugar was completely out of control or severe with all this extra monitoring, but that’s the crazy thing, they’re not! My numbers, at worst, are ‘borderline’, but apparently this late-term they just don’t take chances. Mixed bag, of course. It’s great that my medical team is being cautious but it really sucks driving to three appointments a week and having to fuss all the time with my diet and glucose levels.  Not to mention all the other special appointments I have at CHOP to monitor Baby AM’s condition. My life has turned into nothing but medical appointments. I seriously don’t  know what I would be doing right now if I wasn’t on maternity leave from school and if I was holding down a full-time job. I guess I would be forced to seriously reschedule my life or go on early maternity leave.

When I called in my glucose numbers to the nurse at the Diabetic Center this week, she informed me that there were too many ‘borderlines’ and that the doctor was sure to put me on Glyburide, an alternative to injectable insulin. Glyburide is a pill that helps with your insulin resistance and production. My fear is since I’m ‘borderline’ I’m going to get sugar readings that are too low. I’ve seen my dad experience low sugars and it’s quite scary! He gets disoriented, shaky, clammy, etc. I was warned this could happen to me (especially in the middle of the night) until I ‘adjust’ to the dosage of the medication. I have no idea why a very low sugar reading would be better than a borderline, but I’m no medical professional! I was advised to keep a snack next to my bed that could increase my sugar levels fast if they were dangerously low or to even snack in the middle of the night if I have to.  Both my mother-in-law and mother (who are both diabetic) think it’s ridiculous that the doctor would put me on meds without officially high numbers, but I can understand why the doctors are cautious too. If they wait for my numbers to get high, it could harm the baby. With gestational diabetes your insulin production is blocked by pregnancy hormones. It differs in that way from regular diabetes. No matter how much you control your diet and exercise sometimes, the glucose readings continue to get high because your body just produces more and more hormone as you advance in pregnancy. The same diet plan that helped me last week can fail me next week as my advanced hormones make me insulin resistant. Knowing this, I know I should attempt to go on the Glyburide and work to get my glucose numbers at below borderline levels. It’s just another added stress to the pregnancy! (Did I mention that stress spikes glucose levels?)

I’ve completely cut out sugar for the most part (although making chocolate chip banana bread this week was NOT a good idea!), and I have to say I dont’ miss the sugar in my tea or the occasional piece of chocolate. What I miss is just being able to eat meals and snacks without worrying about each gram of sugar or carbs! Even eating something as healthy as carrots gets tricky when you’re wondering about the amount of sugar in them! As the days pass, I’m definitely getting hungrier and hungrier and I hate having to limit what I can eat or waiting to eat so as not to spike my glucose levels. Hopefully the Glyburide will help with all this! Only another month till I dont’ have to worry about this anymore!

Other than all the gestational diabetes fun, I’ve been feeling pretty great. Pregnancy is definitely still comfortable this week and although my waddle is getting more pronounced and the lower abdominal pressure is getting more intense as Baby AM gains weight, it’s not so bad. 

I cannot believe I’m at the 35 week mark!? In two more weeks, I’ll be considered full term!!!! Although, just to be on the comfortably safe side I’d like Baby AM to stay inside for a few more weeks. I wouldnt’ mind going into labor between 39 or 40 weeks.

This past weekend Saji and his dad purchased cellular blinds for the house along with valances and rods. It’s been over 2 years since we’ve moved into our house and we’ve seriously stalled on window treatments. I can’t believe we let it go for this long. Aside from the aesthetics, the energy-saving insulation factor was something we totally dropped the ball on. I can feel the draft coming in from the windows due to lack of proper shades/curtains.

We had to special order the valances, curtains and rods we wanted for the first floor and bedrooms. It should arrive in a week or two and then Saji and his dad will be installing those. So far the only room that’s complete with both shades and valances is the baby’s room. His room came with matching valances to his crib bedding. The shades also went up in our master bedroom and guest bedroom. This week the rest of them will go up in the den and kitchen area. When the valances/curtains come in, they’ll be put up in the rest of the house. I cannot wait for that project to be done with!

I definitely feel the ‘urge’ to finish up all the projects I have around the house and also to get the last couple of things baby-related done asap! I’m in full ‘nesting’ mode and I’m sure it’ll only get worse as the weeks march on.

 

The Carb Game

Week: 34

Weight: +2

rreSo I took my Gestational Diabetes test and I failed big time! I have a family history of diabetes on both sides and I just had a nagging feeling that I wouldn’t pass the test since I was feeling hypoglycemic symptoms occasionally. Still, I had hoped that since I wasnt’ gaining a lot of weight and the baby seemed to be on target with growth, that I didn’t have the disease. I still stalled on taking the test, delaying it by a week or two.

Nevertheless, fail I did and big time! Usually when you fail the first one-hour test you have to take a three-hour one. There are plenty of women who fail the first test but go on to successfully pass the second one. But if you fail big time like I did, they dont’ bother with the second test. You just get to go for Diabetic counseling with a nurse and dietitian who monitors your diet and glucose levels. If it can’t be controlled I might have to go on insulin. For now, we’re trying diet control solely.

The meeting with the dietitian and nurse at the Diabetic Center werent’ so bad. I have a problem with waiting wayy too long to eat in general, mostly 5-6 hours, which is an eternity for pregnant women, so my sugars were dipping really low and then skyrocketing and crashing when I finally did manage to eat something, (sometimes sugary coffee and muffins).  I liked the proposed menu overall of wholesome, nutrient-rich food that were a great mix of complex carbohydrates and protein. The only foods that were off-limits to me were white sugar and items containing white sugar (cookies, cakes, desserts, etc.) and fruit juice.  The fruit juice was a bummer more than the sugar. There’s plenty of things I can have with Splenda, but man oh man, was I going to miss my orange juice, apple juice, etc. Also, the menu suggested not having any fruit at all in the morning hours when blood sugar is naturally high in your body.  The whole diagnosis was really a bummer at first and it made me angry to limit and change my diet, but now I’ve come to accept it and just try my best to follow it to the best of my ability to avoid going on insulin.

Starting this diet Christmas week was not the most brilliant of plans, but that’s when I had to start it! Despite some white rice, some delicious bites of pysom, and a cheater’s gulp of Sprite here and there on Christmas Day, I thought I did pretty well. We also had a series of potlucks at our house over the weekend where I did partake in some sugar cookies, punch, etc. I wasnt’ surprised when my sugar results for those evenings were borderline-high. But nothing was crazy, so I wasn’t worried.

When I called in my numbers to the nurse Monday morning, she wasn’t thrilled. She claimed I had too many ‘borderline’ numbers and that the doctor doesn’t wait past a week of high glucose levels to prescribe insulin. I had to beg and plead my case that it was the holidays and my first week at this new menu plan and that I needed a do-over week. She agreed and said she would note it on her recommendations to my doctor. I have an appt tomorrow with my OBGYN, let’s see what he says! I also have a fetal growth u/s scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully Baby Andrew is not a little fatty as a result of his mommy’s Christmas indulgences!

I think it might be psychosomatic, but suddenly I’m ravenous for food all the time now. I want to eat every 2-3 hours and I cannot wait after main meals for my snack. I need to have my snack right away. I’m going to have to find ‘free’ snacks like celery sticks, etc to munch on until the 2-hour wait  till snack time comes, and I can devour my apple and peanut butter or graham crackers and milk. I think it could also be that I’m just hungrier since I’m in my 8th month of pregnancy! Women’s appetites are known to increase at the end and then drop towards the last week or two when they have no ‘room’ left to eat since the baby takes up most the space in your mid-section at that point.

I’ve noticed I’ve been waddling a lot lately, almost leading with my belly. I’m kinda content with how big my belly is now and I’m really scared I’m just going to explode towards the last couple of weeks. I only have six more weeks to go till my due date! Technically, the doctor told me I could go into labor in another month! AHHH! It’s all so close. I have trouble getting off the couch and bed now and I definitely need someone to help me up at times or I find I have to roll myself up somehow. It’s all so nuts!

I had some seriously uncomfortable Braxton-Hicks contractions on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I was almost slightly panicked that maybe it was real-life contractions and I was going into pre-term labor. But they never became extremely painful and there was no pattern to the contractions.  I guess I should just expect more tightening in the weeks to come as my body “practices” for labor.

My sister came over last weekend and we were stuck indoors mostly because of the bad Northeastern snowstorm.  With all the spare time, she helped Saji put together the baby’s crib and two bookshelves! Additionally, Saji was on a roll and put together our second pack n’ play and stroller, and one of his friends came over Christmas Eve and put together my glider! I finally got the rug I ordered for Andrew’s room from Pottery Barn Kids and I was really happy with the plushness and thickness of it! We still have a shelf to install in the room and the window valances, but besides that everything is pretty much set to go! We’ve bought everything we needed and I think the only thing I have left to buy is my breast pump. I’ve been shopping around at some hospital supply stores and saw that the pump I wanted was almost a hundred dollars cheaper there! I think I will definitely be buying it from there vs. Babies R Us or another baby store.

We have an infant care/breastfeeding class left to take next weekend. It’s an all day Saturday class and hopefully it’ll be informative and interesting enough so time doesn’t drag. I feel really clueless about breastfeeding despite all the literature I’ve read on it. I feel like it’s just one of those things that you will get the hang of when you’re doing it.  I’m also nervous about infant care and how to manage feeding/sleeping schedules of a newborn. I know all new parents are nervous and overwhelmed by this, and every single baby is different. It’ll all just be a trial and error process! My mother has five weeks of vacation scheduled for when Andrew is born.  In the beginning of my pregnancy, I was totally against my mother staying more than two weeks with me because I thought she would drive me crazy. But now as I near my due date and I’m turning into a huge chicken, I almost wish she could stay with me till Andrew’s three months old!

I also changed my mind about having my mother in the Labor & Delivery room. I wanted the experience to be shared between just me and Saji, but now I find having the idea of my mother there comforting, especially since she has a background in the medical field and especially L&D. My mother was a certified midwife in the Indian army for several years and delivered several babies. Of course, I know she’ll still totally be annoying and irk me, but hopefully my nerves and fears will cancel out the getting annoyed!

Aside from all that, I’ve been incredibly restless lately. I think I’ve seen more movies this month than I have combined all of last year! There’s been a lot of going out to dinner and get togethers with friends, mostly because I know in a few short weeks, I’ll be confined with an infant to my house. I already feel somewhat limited because I can’t travel in the car for more than 45 minutes without feeling super uncomfortable. My doctor told me to cut out the long car trips, so that means no more trips to NY. It was weird not seeing my parents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I dont’ think that’s ever happened really! They did come visit me a few weekends before but it still wasn’t the same. I’ve also had to decline a few invitations to parties and showers because the drive would be too much. That’s been incredibly frustrating for me because I want to socialize!

I really felt like such a slacker this year because I didn’t decorate for Christmas. No tree, no ornaments, no stockings, no Christmas lights, no baking Christmas cookies, not even a lousy wreath! I’m an all or nothing person and I just felt to overwhelmed this year with preparing for the baby to really invest time in preparing properly for the holidays. I tell myself it’ll be nice next year with Andrew and I’ll go all out for his first Christmas!

 

Date Night.

Week:31

Weight: + 1/2 lb.

The weekend was jam-packed with lots of errands, house cleaning, organizing Andrew’s gear, and trying to squeeze in some time for leisure and fun! Saturday we had our first snowstorm and instead of being annoyed at being out on the road and driving in the snow, it was quite beautiful! It really brought on the holiday spirit. It helped that there wasn’t much accumulation and that it didnt’ really stick. The huge flakes were pretty and I was surprised it actually snowed this early. With global warming and all, it seems like it takes forever to snow and then sometime in spring we’ll get a huge snowstorm.

I went to Old Navy Saturday morning to purchase a pea coat. I had seen Nin wearing a cute maternity one and liked the fit and style so decided to purchase one. I had a big down maternity jacket from there and it was warm and comfortable. I needed something a little dressier though for church and special occasions. Luckily, I had some coupons and was able to find some other stuff as well. I got a few pairs of comfy sleep shirts and henleys, as well as some bigger sized pj pants to accomodate the growing belly. I mostly live in pj’s and sweats around the house, so it was an important investment.

We also headed to Babies R’ Us with a few coupons we had to purchase some more stuff for baby Andrew! The gear is never-ending, folks! We purchased his crib mattress that happened to be on sale, and a changing pad, waterproof mattress cover, some pack n play and crib sheets, and some other little necessities that were not purchased off our registry. We decided to open up a BRU card and ended up saving an additional 15% on each item, which for BRU is a pretty big feat. They are stingy with sales and coupons. Most of the time when you find a 15%-20% coupon, it can only be applied towards one item and with a lot of restrictions! So we were definitely happy for the additional savings. Next weekend our baby furniture will be delivered. I’m very excited about that!

I got two great bookshelves from friends. One is safari-themed and the other is a classic wooden personalized one with Andrew’s name on it. We received so many books at our baby shower and some of our generous friends additionally purchased 3-4 books each for baby Andrew! So both bookshelves will come in handy. I think I’m more excited about the books/bookshelves than anything else!!!

We rounded out our Saturday with a trip to Trader Joe’s where I purchased my mockaholic drink of choice. Lately, I’ve really wanted an ice-cold glass of wine or beer and have been resisting till the very last weeks of pregnancy to indulge in that craving, just to be on the safe side. I still feel like 30-31 weeks is too early to really indulge in a glass of alcohol without a lot of guilt! Anyway, a glass of sparkling pomegranate juice with a twist of lime really hits the spot! We also picked up some other fast dinner options from TJ’s to get us through the week. I hardly ever feel like cooking and Saji can’t really spend a lot of time in the kitchen after a long day at work. I hate eating out so much so TJ’s really gives you a lot of healthy and satisfying options. I was able to get a lot of healthy snacks and nibbles too like crackers, hummus, pita even multi-grain cookies.

Saturday night Saji decided to make a real meal at home after several weeks of fast-fix meals and shortcut recipes. He decided to make a peppercorn flank steak, fingerling potatoes with parsley lemon butter, and a Burgundy wine sauce with pearl onions and cremini mushrooms. It has been a long time since I”ve been excited to the point of salivating over a home-cooked meal that we prepared. I helped sous-chef a bit, but mostly it was all Saji and his trusty food network recipe. I was really proud of his efforts and the meal was REALLY delicious. 

Sunday, Saji did a lot of clean up and organizing the baby’s room. I had a late start because I really slept in till about noon almost! We headed over to Nin and Toby’s around 1:30 to watch the Eagles game. Toby made some delicious chili and cornbread and I had made Nina some Chex Muddy Buddies because she had never had any! Later we headed into Olde City to have dinner at Continental (we had a few different delicious tapas) and then headed over to the Ritz to watch an advanced screening of George Clooney’s Up in the Air. The movie was really good! I don’t know if it’s the best movie I’ve seen all year but it definitely hit some heavy topics and still had the romantic comedy aspect to it.

The only downside to being out all day and walking around in the cold was that my throat started to bother me. On the way home we stopped by at Wawa to get some lemon herbal tea with honey.  I’ve been nursing my throat all day with tea and a salt water gargle and it feels better already. I’m definitely trying to avoid getting sick while pregnant!

Today I’ve been resting a lot and trying to get some last-minute reading done in preparation for some notes I want to submit to my advisor by the end of the week. I had my 31 week OBGYN appointment today. Everything was routine and I was told all looked normal. Definitely a blessing! Wednesday I have a doctor’s appointment in the city for a fetal echocardiogram. It’s just a precaution because Baby AM has been uncooperative during his last few ultrasounds and they couldnt’ get great side heart views. Rather than put me through more ultrasounds and more prodding and poking, they decided this was a better option.

We postponed taking our infant care/breastfeeding class this weekend and decided that we’d probably retain more information if we took the classes in January. 

And that’s the wrap-up for this week!

 

All Aboard the Andrew Express!!!

Week:30

Weight:+5

Well I’ve gotten through my baby shower and Thanksgiving,  two major events that I’ve been looking forward to in this pregnancy. Thanksgiving is my favorite food holiday. I can seriously eat my weight in stuffing alone.  My doctor on my last visit had mentioned how I had either been losing weight or only gaining a pound a month with the pregnancy. Now, I’m not a petite girl or underweight, in fact, I started off this pregnancy about 20 lbs heavier than I’d like to be, so really I wasn’t trying to pack on the pounds. Turns out, if you gain TOO little weight during pregnancy, it’s not ideal from a medical viewpoint, either. While Baby AM was ahead of his growth, the doctor felt I needed to gain 3 to 4 lbs a month to maintain a healthy pregnancy. It was kinda surprising to me that I wasn’t naturally gaining weight. I didn’t have this crazy, craving-filled appetite, but I dind’t have morning sickness either, so I wasn’t puking and losing weight. 

Thanksgiving, I just plain flat-out pigged out. Everything was EXTRA tasty this year I felt and as I helped myself twice in one day to a plate of turkey, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, candied yams, garlic bread, corn, and spicy green beans, I knew that I was definitely gaining more than one pound this month! Not to mention my mom was cooking all sorts of yummy Indian foods the day after like chicken biryani and pappadum. I was in food heaven!

My baby shower was the Saturday after Thanksgiving and it was a wonderful day filled with great people, food, gifts, and all around general love and happiness. I was thrilled that so many people could make it despite the busy holiday weekend. It was so nice to spend time with everyone, especially those I haven’t seen in a few months! My sister and Cousin Lisa were the co-planners and they did a really great job with the train theme (NY to Philly express!) and the wonderful decorations. What was especially cool were the train diaper cakes, the Philly/NY themed favors, and the personalized Andrew items.  The food was NY/Philly themed appetizers (cheesecake, pigs in a blanket, cheesesteaks, tasty kakes, etc.) and Indian samosas, chicken tikka, lamb kebabs and Indian food for the main course as well. For dessert we had a beautiful cake that had a wonderful train on it. My sister had ordered it half chocolate mousse and half strawberry Bavarian cream, my favorite.  Additionally, she also got cannolis, my favorite dessert! I was in food heaven with the leftovers all weekend. 

Andrew got a lot of really great, useful stuff from strollers, high chairs, car seats,  to really adorable stuff like stuffed animals, adorable onesies, blankets, and NY/Philly sports-themed things. The hosts had asked people to give us books instead of cards to build Andrew’s library and so we got a lot of great classics for Andrew! Also, two people gave us really great fun bookshelves to display and hold all those books! How awesome! Our baby is definitely blessed and we are duly blessed to have such wonderful, caring people in our lives who are as excited for the arrival of our little one as we are!

As my stomach gets bigger and bigger and the days fly by, I realize that I’m at the home stretch of this pregnancy. This week the heartburn and uncomfortableness of Andrew sitting so low has dissipated. Last week in New York, I slept about an hour only every night due to such bad heartburn and different uterine pains. It was really so frustrating and exhausting. But this week (so far), pregnancy is back to being enjoyable!

The house is full of baby gear and the nesting syndrome inside of me is in full effect. Due to a really great Black Friday deal that Saji was able to take advantage of, we ended up returning the furniture we originally bought because they had a promotion going on where if we bought the dresser and 5-drawer chest apart of the collection, the crib was free!! The crib retailed for about $450, so that was a definite great deal! Saji woke up early at 4 a.m. on Black Friday and went to Babies R Us to stand in line for this doorbuster deal. He was able to additionally score some great deals on humidifiers, baby wipes, diapers, and sleep sacks. I had to give him a lot of credit, because I totally was not apart of finding those deals or taking advantage of them. I only half paid attention to him when he spoke about these deals. I was so distracted with my lack of sleep and pregnancy woes. 

We received so much stuff from our shower that we couldnt’ fit it all in our SUV to take home from my parent’s house, so they will be paying us a visit this weekend to drop off the rest of the gifts. About 90% of my huge Babies R Us registry is gone and several items from my Target one, so now the hard part will be assembling everything and putting it in its right place!

This weekend we have an infant care/breastfeeding class scheduled. Hopefully it’ll provide us with lots of great information that will help us feel informed and relaxed about taking care of an infant. I’m really nervous about breastfeeding, mostly because I just feel clueless about it.

Lastly, I’ve been thinking about support systems a lot lately. Mostly I feel really great that I have such a strong support system around me while pregnant. From my parents, to extended family, my husband, and a wide range of friends that I can really talk to, as well as a lot new moms with great advice about things. I feel like I can really voice my frustrations, fears and worries, and get plenty of reassurance and comfort. That’s something I really value lately.

As much as I want to be a good parent to Andrew, I know I need to be a good person for myself first. You cant’ be a good parent to your child and meet their needs if you can’t meet your own first. I woke up to a stressful situation this morning.  It was something that was so full of nonsense and ridiculousnes and I just knew in my pregnant state that it was NOT healthy or wise to respond or engage myself in it. It was something that really was not worthy of my time to address but at the same time could possibly blow up into an uglier, nastier situation if ignored. After trying to deal with it for a bit on my own, I just finally gave up, called my dad, explained the situation and had him help me with it. He reassured me he would take care of things. The instant I hung up the phone I felt at peace. I just realized that I can really count on my parents to not only help me in a time of need and to fix a situation in the best way possible, but that I could also rely on them to really listen to me when I have a problem. I’m blessed that I can share things with them and that they will love me unconditionally no matter what.

I want my relationship with my own son and my future children to be that way. I want them to be able to talk to me. Like actually come to me and share things with me and look to me as someone who can make them feel better and offer them valuable advice. I realize that it can take a lifetime of trust building and careful cultivation sometimes to have an ideal relationship with a person. From the very first day of Andrew’s life he’ll be looking to me as his protector, provider, problem solver, confidant, etc. He’ll totally rely on me for everything in the beginning. As each day passes, he’ll become more and more independent and figure the world out for himself. It’s up to me and his dad to raise him as an autonomous, healthy adult who’s able to live independently in the world but also realize he can rely and depend on us for problem, big or small. It’s a fine balance and one that is so easy to screw up if you really think about it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the little things that it really takes to become a good parent. Often times the HUGE things are what occupies our minds. Providing him a great education, etc. But the little things like eating dinner together as a family or teaching a child to value people over things are lessons that I want to make sure I really show him through example and lifestyle rather than just preaching it to him.

I have another 68 days roughly to figure things out some more before Andrew gets here! Hopefully, I’ll be a lot more relaxed and confident about things before he makes his debut!

 

Third Trimester!!!

Week:28

Weight: -1

Well, I’ve finally entered into the last and final trimester of this pregnancy. On the one hand, it seems to be flying by and on the other hand, I can’t wait to get to the end!!!!

While I’m still having a pregnancy that’s not plagued with any major problems or complications, the wonderful initial feeling of “Oh, I can’t even tell I’m pregnant!” is no longer applicable! The baby is approximately three pounds now and sometimes I’m feeling all three of those pounds directly on my pelvis, mostly in the most uncomfortable of spots! I don’t mean to sound ungrateful for this whole blessed and joyous of experiences, but this week I’m just tired of being pregnant!!!

This baby has taken to kicking my cervix, pelvic area, and not to mention my ass (literally!). While it’s reassuring to know your baby is kicking and moving around, it’s not so fun when it’s painful and uncomfortable. What’s also frustrating is that he’s doing all these acrobatics but whenever people ask to feel it, he suddenly gets shy, especially with his daddy! I think Saji’s only felt his kicks a handful of times. I’m sure that’ll all change very soon as he gets bigger and has less room to move around.

This week, I lost another pound and I’m sure the doctor will discuss that with me again if it keeps up. The good news is that Baby AM is ahead in both growth/size for his development, so my decrease in weight has not endangered him really. I think being so uncomfortable a lot of the times has made my appetite go south. I find I have to force myself to have a couple bites here and there and I have no particular cravings for anything lately. Overall, I just feel thirsty again like I did at the beginning of my pregnancy which lets me know that I’m may be dehydrated a lot easier than usual. And despite losing weight, my stomach has gotten rounder and I still feel like I look like a beached whale.  Yes, pregnancy does wonders for your self-esteem in that sense!

This weekend I had a bit of a scare because I was experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions (harmless, practice contractions) combined with Baby AM sitting so low. It was putting this aching pressure on my pelvis and my Dr’s office was worried I might be experiencing preterm labor. Luckily a visit to the office on Monday showed no consistent contraction patterns and no other signs of anything more serious than just being uncomfortable and pregnant!

Saji took a weekend trip to Miami with some other expectant fathers-to-be in his friend circle. I felt bad even mentioning that I was having BH contractions b/c I knew he would be worrying so much and even contemplate coming back home. Luckily, I managed through the weekend and all’s well that ends well.  He enjoyed his trip with the boys and Baby AM was in no danger of making an early debut.

I have one more ultrasound scheduled for next week and Saji’s able to come with me for this one. I’m quite excited to have him see a bigger and more active baby from the last time he viewed him at 17 weeks. Hopefully Baby AM is cooperative this time and provides all the pictures that are needed! 

I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving food, but you know all the pregnancy books warn you not to overload on carbs. It’s too bad that I can eat my weight in stuffing! I’ll be tempting my absent appetite with thoughts of all those delicious holiday carbs!

Lastly, I CANNOT SLEEP AT ALL ANYMORE. Ugh! It’s so frustrating and I guess it’s great training for the months to come but it sucks now when I need my rest the most. I think I’m so worn out mentally and physically because of the lack of sleep. I cannot deal with life’s daily frustrations without proper REM sleep. I find myself getting easily disparaged and annoyed at the slightest things. I also have adapted this new policy of just avoiding all things stressful which is bad at times because I’m not dealing just avoiding. But i’ts straight up survival mode I’m in now. I’m using reserve nerves!!

I’m averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep a night lately! It doesnt’ help that I get up every hour or two to go to the bathroom. Even now, I’m up late writing this blog because sleep is alluding me once again. One of the reasons that I can’t sleep is that I can’t get comfortable. I used to sleep on my stomach and now I have to sleep on my side and despite using a pregnancy pillow, (which used to work wonderfully before), I just can’t get comfortable without my arm or leg falling asleep on me. Speaking of legs, holy hellllll, do I have some aching legs!! In fact, in general I’m pretty sore when I wake up mornings. I have Saji give me a massage before he goes to work in the mornings, if he has time. That has provided some relief, especially in my lower back, and it seems to nudge Baby AM further up and away from his favorite position which is right on top of his favorite play toy,  my bladder.

Hopefully, the holidays will provide some much needed R&R!!

 

Sugar Blues

Week:27

Weight gain: o

I kept avoiding my glucose screening test all last week and I was so afraid that my OB would yell at me when I showed up this week. I ended up seeing a doctor in the practice who I hadn’t seen before, and she told me she actually had no idea why I was given a script for the test so early because I’m really not supposed to go in for the test until after week 28. So my guilt dissipated pretty quickly and I’m glad  I can go sometime next week now. I’m secretly afraid that I’ll develop gestational diabetes b/c I have strong family history for diabetes.  Also, at my last ultrasound they said the baby was bigger than it was supposed to be that week. They said he was perfectly normal and fine but that he was ahead of the average by about a few weeks. Saji is pretty tall so I can very well be having a big baby, but I fear that he’s getting big b/c of an insulin deficiency. I definitely do notice that when I’m not eating timely, I do feel sick and dizzy. I dont’ know if that can be chalked up to pregnancy in general or GD. I guess we’ll see! The very positive thing I have going for me is that I havent’ gained a lot of weight. Rapid weight gain is usually a sign of GD.

I actually only gained one whole pound from the last doctor’s visit to this one the doctor informed me. I seriously think I gained 3-4 lbs this month but maybe my I lost some water weight or something today. She said that the minimum weight gain was okay for now but in general I’ve only gained about 13 pounds total. She said I had room to be 5 lbs ahead at this stage but she’s not concerned at all because it’s still normal and healthy and at the end, plenty of ladies pile it on. I kinda dont’ want to go over 25 lbs but I dont’ want to set these number goals for myself and then get totally bummed out when I go over. Plus who know what Baby AM will even weigh? I’m hoping that the baby is not sooo big b/c that will just be uncomfortable and raise my chances for a c-section at the end there!

I’ve definitely noticed that I’m experiencing discomfort with my moods in general. I’m tired and out of sorts at end of the day and I feel very emotional and stressed out about the little things. While I might have only gained 13 lbs, I feel like I’ve gained 35. At the end of the day I feel like my belly is huge and tight and like I can’t catch my breath sometimes. I feel like I have no room inside of me and I can’t imagine getting a whole lot bigger.  I’m trying not to stress myself and to take it easy at the end of the day with relaxation techniques and massages from Saji. I do notice those things really do help me unwind. Another frustrating thing is I can’t sleep at night! All last week I averaged about 3-4 hours a night!! I can’t get comfortable and then when I finally do, I have to wake up to go to the bathroom. Also, I’m doing that annoying thing where I wake up early in the mornings when I don’t have to and I can’t fall back asleep. Sometimes this is due to hunger. I find I have to get up at the crack of dawn and eat something or else I have to endure a growling stomach.

I wish I could nap in the middle of the day or early evening at least, but I can’t seem to get drowsy enough to nap. Naptimes just end up being rest times where I’m laying quietly and feeling the baby kick. Not a bad way to spend a half hour or so, but man, oh man, I wish I could just go to sleep for 8 hours straight at night!!

On Sunday, Saji and I attended a Childbirth class at the hospital we’re delivering at. The class was all day from 9 am-4 pm with a half hour lunch break and a few smattering of 5 minute bathroom breaks here and there. Although I was struggling to stay alert for the first half of it (how ironic that I got sleepy in this class!), I found the entire thing so helpful and informative. The class was taught by a Nurse Practitioner/Lactation Consultant and she really injected a lot of warmth and humor into the class. She also broke up the class into a great rhythm of videos, lecture periods, breathing activities/exercises, interactive Q&A periods, etc.  That helped the day not be monotonous and it always felt like we were doing something new.

Aside from the valuable info (you can always read all this stuff in pregnancy books and stuff) the class was really worth it because of the breathing/relaxing techniques she taught us. I’ve been vocal about getting an epidural from the beginning. I’m not a big fan of pain or confident in the fact that I can work through it, and also I figured if there was something to take the edge off of the pain that was relatively safe to me and the baby, I would definitely sign up for it! I never bothered to think about breathing techniques etc. because I figured I would get pain meds asap. I didn’t realize that you dont’ get an epidural until 4 cm dilated minimum and sometimes to get to that point in labor it takes several hours, we’re taking 10-12 hours in a lot of cases with a first baby!! Labor is a sloooow process mostly in phase one.  I had no plans to manage and deal with the pain from early  contractions because I figured the time I’d be dealing with that pain would be so minimal and insignicant.

Also, I didnt’ realize how much time there is where you’re laboring at home during early labor. You can’t really go to the hospital until your contractions are 5 mins apart and for a duration of 60 seconds for 1 hour. If you’re going by that 5-1-1 ratio, you have to realize you are spending a huge chunk of early labor at home. If you go to the hospital and your labor is not pregressing, they send you right back home sometimes and you have to try to manage and work through that pain until you can get back to the hospital.

I also never communicated with Saji my expectations of him as my coach. I figured he like most husbands you see on sitcoms would run around excitedly picking up bags and trying to get me to the hospital before active labor began. Then I had visions of him saying stupid things while I wanted to rip his head off. Yeahhh, not a pleasant, relaxing vision in the least. But sitcoms and movies make you think of labor as this sweaty, excruciating process where women turn into she-devils and men are bumbling idiots who do things like faint or say the wrong things.

Our instructor really hit home that your labor process is what you put into it. If you dont ever lay out a support plan with your partner, how do you expect to have things go a certain way? I thought a birth plan meant a detailed list of options you wanted in terms of medication and procedure. I didn’t realize it also started at home the second you felt contractions.  There’s a whole mental process that goes into this that I didnt’ factor in. Prior to this class, I like a lot of women was just scared of the unknown and the pain of labor. I never had faith that I could work through and manage my pain or that I could be in control of the situation. The class gave me a lot more confidence in the fact that this experience is my own and everyone else is my support system.

The other best part of the class was having the instructor teach the partners how to give proper massages. That itself was worth EVERY penny of the class. In the past, I wasn’t a big fan of Saji’s massages because he was too rough and his idea of a massage was a deep tissue Swedish number and I’m not a big fan of massages to begin with. I find them uncomfortable and the amount of pressure put on me is often too much no matter how much it’s adjusted.  But I really enjoyed getting a scalp, shoulder, neck and lower back massage from Saji because the teacher showed him how to use just his thumbs to apply pressure to key points. Also she used different things to add pressure like a rolling pin, tennis ball, and pool noodle, which were all great! They say a lot of labor contractions are in your back and give you tremendous lower back pain. It’d be wonderful if some of it could be alleviated by simple massage techniques!

All in all, I was really happy with the class and felt very informed and proactive about being in charge of my labor experience. While I’m still ready for anything,  my attitude is better about it and I’m remembering that the most important thing is at the end of it, I’ll have a beautiful baby in my hands (knock on wood!).

 

 

30 and it’s all uphill from here!

Week: 25.5

Weight: +1

The weeks are flying by! Last week was a busy one so it flew by even faster. I celebrated my birthday, the big 3-0! There wasn’t much fanfare, mostly b/c being in the high throes of pregnancy, I dont’ have enough energy to be very excited about anything. I can keep up with busy plans, but I’m definitely feeling the wear and tear a busy weekend brings about.

The birthday weekend consisted of driving up to NYC, seeing Wicked and eating out with my sister and Saji. We had a nice brunch on Sunday,saw some good friends and just chilled. I had a birthday lunch with just my parents on the actual day of my birthday, while everyone else was at work.  The rest of the time my mom cooked me mouth-watering, Malayalee food that I couldnt ‘get enough of! My dad returned from a 2 week jaunt to Delhi-Jaipur-Kerala with goodies and it was fun seeing what he bought and hearing the news about the relatives back in the Motherland. If I wasn’t pregnant, we had planned on taking the trip together, with me conducting some research in Delhi and Calcutta. But life threw me a curveball and instead I’m gestating in the States and waiting to finish out this semester so I can get started on my maternity leave. 

The two weeks prior to this, I was home alone since Saji was in LA on business. Being alone for that long was really tough on me!  I’ve noticed now that I’m pregnant I definitely could use a massage or foot rub at the end of the day.  Also, I have this anxiety of the what-ifs. What if something happens to me in the middle of the night and I have to go to the hospital? What if I go into preterm labor? What if…? I definitely have family and friends close by that I can rely on if any such emergency happened, but it’s just reassuring having your partner around during something like this. It was nice to have someone in the house again and to know that there is no more travel until after the baby comes.

I registered for childbirth/infant care/breastfeeding classes in the months of November and December, as well as a Labor & Delivery tour at the hospital I’m delivering at.  As the days and weeks creep by and my belly gets bigger and bigger, this whole thing seems to be approaching at a rapid rate. I could have sworn time was crawling when I was at week 12 or 13.

Baby gifts have already started pouring in and that makes the reality of this whole thing even more real! Now we’ve got the task of assembling pack and plays, infant car seats, strollers, etc! There’s so much I have to learn about baby gadgets. I also feel this strong urge to get going on the baby’s room. The room has been cleared out, carpets cleaned, and closets almost done being cleared out. I ordered my baby furniture last week and it should be shipped to us in another few weeks!

I had another ultrasound last week to do follow up pictures on fetal development. The first time around, Baby AM wasn’t very cooperative about staying still for too long. Well this time was a bit better, the doctors were able to get better pictures of the heart and chambers, but not great side views of the vessels because once again the baby was curled up in a comfortable position and not willing to cooperate no matter how much he was poked and prodded. From what the radiologist saw, he said everything looked great! But he wants me to have another appointment in 4 weeks.  The plus side, another checkup on Baby AM and more pics, the negative, another ultrasound, which I’m beginning to hate!

The doctor told me Baby AM was weighing 1 lb 10 oz and that was ‘fine and normal” but I read that it was a little ahead of what he’s supposed to be. I’m hoping he’s not going to be TOO big at delivery! We’ll have to wait and see what happens. So far, I’ve only gained about 12 lbs during this pregnancy. I’ve been concerned about my glucose/insulin levels since both my parents have diabetes and therefore I’m a strong candidate for gestational diabetes. I’ve felt my sugar levels dip in the past week or so and I’ve been trying to keep that stable as the pregnancy progresses. I’ve noticed the key to that is to definitely eat every few hours and to have plenty of snacks around. I’m not used to grazing all day really and it can get kinda tiresome to always eat a few bites every hour rather than just have a couple of bigger meals throughout the day. My problem is I got busy and caught up in stuff and forget to eat.  I have my glucose screening this Sat and I guess after that we’ll have more answers as to whether I have to be concerned about gestational diabetes.

Baby AM is still kicking away! I can feel definite patterns to his kicking/sleeping routine.  I’m usually not a sucker for baby clothing but this week I saw a tiny velvet blazer and houndstooth newsboy cap and I just couldnt’ resist purchasing it! I also got some cute onesies and sleeper sets and I couldnt ‘help cooing at the size of these things! They’re sooo tiny!

I’m rounding out the end of second trimester and my third starts in just two more weeks! According to my Babycenter newsletter, I’m about 70% done with pregnancy! I have to say despite the increase in heartburn and a few more aches and pains in the past few weeks, pregnancy has been really good to me!  For the most part, I can’t remember I’m even pregnant for most of the day because that’s how comfortable the process has been! Let’s hope it continues!

 

Swimming along

According to pregnancy calendars, I’m smack in the middle of my six month of pregnancy at 23 weeks. (22 weeks is the beginning of the sixth month according to preggo calendars.) As with every month, I’m in a totally different phase of pregnancy.

Since the baby’s kicks have started to become more definite and pronounced, I sense a pattern to it and have formed a lil bond with Baby AM.  Whenever I eat something spicy or sweet, the baby seems to kick a lot more. It’s reassuring at this stage of the game to be able to feel your baby and sense his patterns throughout the day. It’s an amazing, unique bond that only me and the lil guy have right now.

Saji’s away in LA for the next 2 weeks and I’ve been putting the phone up to my belly every evening so he can “talk” to the baby. Baby AM really responds to sound now and he’ll kick halfway through the conversation atleast once or twice.

I’ve been noticing a definite trend in my diet/mood correlation. I notice weeks when I’m eating a lil bit more ‘junk food’ and not as many fruits/veggies/water, I definitely feel worse. It’s like I’m extra sensitive to salt and processed foods now. That doens’t mean I totally eat healthy all the time. I’m just really all about moderation. When I have something ‘junk food’ wise, I make sure I drink a lot of water, especially after eating something salty. I try to have a good, healthy breakfast, because I feel like breakfast is the meal I can most control in terms of being super healthy. Most of the time it’s oatmeal, fruit, and tea, but I do mix up an egg in a hole (one egg in the middle of a whole grain piece of toast) once in a while for protein. Everything’s light yet filling, and I find I have to eat every 2-3 hours. If I eat too much of anything, I do feel sick and gross. If I dont’ feel like dinner because I’m too full, I try to do a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios or Joe’s O’s with a banana and Skim Plus.  This has proven to be a good snack before bedtime so I can make it all night without waking up at dawn starving to death. That or yoghurt plus fruit are my fave bedtime snacks.

I’ve been eating some Sunsweet Ones (prunes) for the past week and have really noticed a difference with my constiptation! Every pregnant woman knows that constipation/fiber can be the bane of your existence. Just eating 1-2 a day has made the biggest difference. The Sunsweet Ones are individually wrapped for convenience and ease. Plus the added health benefits of stablizing your glucose, providing antioxidants and potassium are awesome extras. I’ve made my entire family buy a can too!  (Don’t I sound like their spokesperson?)

This past Sunday, I went to Destination Maternity and found a baby shower dress and a dressy top/black pants option in case I’m not in a dress mood. I also found some other cute tops, etc. I’m not hating maternity clothes/shopping as much as I thought I would! I am really loving anything with cowl necks right now.  I’m also enjoying this cooler weather. It’s terrible being hot and pregnant! I’m glad I’m having a winter baby.

This week I’ve been really upping the prenatal yoga routine. I’ve noticed even with my pregnancy pillow, I’ll wake up with aches and pains, especially back pain. The yoga really does keep things stretched and prevents a lot of pain for me in general. It’s so important to exercise in pregnancy because you really just do feel it if you dont’. Of course the type of exercise you do really has to be modified, unless you were a marathon runner before. Light, brisk walks and yoga seem to work best for me. Anything with more cardio and I’m out of breath wayy too fast for my comfort. Even taking a flight of stairs up can leave me winded. This is due to all the extra blood and fluids your body has circulating around it now! Your heart and lungs are working extra hard when you’re pregnant.

The last thing I’ve been mulling over this week is the flu/swine flu shot. I’ve heard a lot of mixed reviews about getting them and the effects it has on the mother and baby. My doctor’s office asked me about getting the shots and I said yes to the flu shot and no to the swine flu one. Although the swine flu is derived from the same ingredients as the influenza shot, it hasnt’ been out long enough to provide great testing results. But the plus side from the limited testing data available  is that the subjects are all the data pregnant women who have actually received the shot, not from animal testing.

Since I work from home and I don’t interact with the mass public as much, I was thinking of avoiding the swine flu shot definitely. My dr’s office was out of  the regular flu shot the last time I was there and now I”m rethinking whether I should even get that. My mom, who’s a nurse, has asked a lot of people in her work about it, and a lot recommended against the swine flu shot, unless I really needed it (work in a hospital or school), or if I don’t normally get it. It’s been years since I got the flu shot, so I dont’ even know how I’d react to it now that I”m pregnant. I am known for having drug allergies and sensitivities. Another plus is that the baby is protected if I’m vaccinated for the sixth months of his life. This would maybe be a factor in me leaning towards getting both if I was putting him in daycare in those sixth months, but I’m not. I think this is going to be one of those issues that no matter what I do, I’ll be conflicted.

On the one hand, I never get the flu and I have limited public interaction. On the other hand, if you get either the flu or swine flu it can be very dangerous and can even lead to death for pregnant women. So far my immune system has been awesome since I’ve been pregnant and I have managed to not catch any colds from the change of weather or illnesses that are going around. I might mull this over for a little bit more before making a final decision.

Only another month before I hit my third trimester! Time is flying!!